a child’s nightmare

Posted: July 6, 2012 in Poem

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What I wish I didn’t know,
my face and eyes show,
there are many things in this world I find difficult,
but losing you is an impossibility,
there is a bond like no other,
that is from child to mother,

you hold us tight,
do your best to teach us right,
if we must – even to fight

but what fright came to me last night
was your death within my sight
I saw you choke and turn red
roll and fall dead

there was nothing that could be said
minutes ago I had you whole
minutes ago I knew you, but now I know

then I woke to find you living
feeling within me the time ticking
I ask you how you wish to be memorialized
without showing any fear in my eyes

I ask if there are any last requests
for when I must lay you to rest
you smile and answer with no great foreboding
for the knowledge of tomorrow I am holding

all I know
is that the clock tics slow
for me
but for you faster even more so

I was given gifts of light
gifts of sight
so that I may cherish these last few days

how I want to weep in your arms
be told everything will be all right
somehow fit into these few weeks
moments that have made my life seem a little less bleak

a soft hand running over a fevered forehead
knowledge of survived youth passed down at key turns
feeling secure when being rocked
being read to bed
being sung childish songs on long car rides
searching for me when I pretend to hide

loving the person on the inside.

Lose you I must
but not tonight
not today
not any day or ever – if I had my way

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